Little Conversations

God and I talk.
And I don't mean "praying". We just... talk.

I've always thought the spiritual discipline I struggled with most was prayer. And honestly, it probably is. I don't spend solid periods of time on my knees or even just sitting, praising Him, thanking Him, and laying out my and others' problems. But lately, I've started thinking maybe that's not really the point.

The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I can't spend all my time sitting alone in my room.
But I can talk to Him all day.
That's the best to me. That right there might be my very favorite part about being a child of God. I can talk to Him whenever I want.

I can talk to God. GOD! I can talk to GOD! Do you get it? Are you understanding this?! The Creator of heaven and earth! The Lord of the universe! The One who defeated death! I can talk to Him whenever I want! That's something right there. I can't even talk to my best friends whenever I want. But I have access to constant communication with THE God. I feel so cool.

And He talks back.

That's the tricky part, though. It's kinda hard sometimes to hear someone who doesn't speak audibly. Especially when you can't see him either.

But He does talk.
I'm not crazy.
I know His voice.

I can't really explain it. I don't hear it with my ears or my brain or even my heart. I hear it in the very deepest part of my soul. It's the Voice that I immediately recognize as Truth. Sometimes, when I feel really desperate to hear from Him, I try to imagine what He would say; I put words in His mouth. But that's not Him, and I have to remind myself of that. Then I have to be still. And in the deepest part of me, I plead to hear.
He's never failed me yet.

His voice is the most beautiful thing I know. It's so quiet, so calm, but it has more power than anything I can fathom. Every time I hear it, I feel like a ship being heaved into a harbor, like it's drawing me nearer, pulling me in tight. I feel my soul scooting up closer to Him. I love it.

Sometimes we laugh together. He thinks some of my jokes are pretty funny. I mean, He did create my sense of humor.

Sometimes He teaches me little lessons, like how life really is beautiful.

A lot of the time I just compliment Him on His handiwork. When I see a night sky or a beautiful sunset, I just have to say "Bravo!" or "Good one, God!" He likes that.

But I think my all time favorite conversations we have are the ones when He tells me He loves me.
Isn't it funny how we forget about that? He sacrificed His very life, and we forget about the love. I do it all too often.

I still remember the first time I heard His voice say, "I love you." I was maybe 13 and just having a rough day. I remember looking out the car window and begging, "Please, let me feel Your love." I've never forgotten it. I think that's the moment I first felt my soul on fire. Not a blazing wildfire. Just so very, very warm and like something in me were growing bigger and bigger. Fuller and fuller.

But I still forget sometimes.
Just a few days ago I forgot.

I was having another rough day, crying about things that couldn't be helped, just plain aching. And to top it off, I lost something important. I finished my cry, but I still needed to find what I had misplaced. I simply said, "God, I really need to find this." Then I reached into my purse and pulled it out. And promptly started crying again.

You do still love me.
Of course I do.
You haven't forgotten me.
Of course not. I never will.

I do still need to improve my prayer life. I do need to devote effort and energy to praise and thanksgiving and requests. I do need to set aside time to be still. But I wonder if our little conversations aren't just as valuable.

They're my favorite.